Give a Star a Gun

Just finished watching my first episode of "Stars Earn Stripes" and while this is almost 1/2 way through the season, I love this show.  So sorry I missed the rest.

Basic premise is that they put stars through military exercises and if they are in the bottom of the ratings at the end of the exercise, they have a shoot out.  Each star is paired with an actual military or police SWAT expert for the season and each star is playing for a military/police related charity.  They use live ammo and work in squads.  At the end of each episode, the star at the bottom of the ranking goes home.

Exhausted just watching them, I am also enthralled at the possibility of playing with grenade launchers and learning how tough our troops and first responders really are. Gotta love urban warfare.

Last night at book club (shout out to my DFW Tea Readers-Plano Book Club ladies), we had Jill Shalvis call in to discuss her new books coming out through 2013.  We discussed her Lucky Harbor and Animal Magnatism series but I have to say, I am still a fan of Wilder Adventures, Sky High Air, and the old Harlequin Blaze firemen books- Flashpoint & Flashblack.

My favorite Shalvis leading lady so far is Katie Kramer from "Instant Attraction" in the Wilder Series.  She is so brave.  The only survivor of a bridge collapse, she picks up and decides life is to short to not live every moment.  She doesn't live in fear.  That doesn't mean she isn't afraid but she doesn't let that stop her.  I want to be Katie when I grow up.

Bourne is Missing from Bourne

Hmm. Where to start.  How about the standard questions:

1. Would we pay full price to see this movie in the theater? 
• No full price.  Matinee even early bird pricing is the way to go for this.  
2. Would we buy the DVD?  Full price or Discount Bin?
• Maybe discount for about $5 just to have the complete Bourne series.  

This is purely an action film.  There is a hint that something romantic might develop with the 2 lead characters but you don't get to see that as the movie goer.  More importantly, you don't miss the fact that there is no real romance plot developed.

I don't Recall much of Total Recall...Is that bad?

Remakes are very rarely better than the original.  Such is true with this film.  Guess it was good that I didn't have high expectations.

Pros of the remake:

1. Eye candy in the form of Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel who both carried this movie.
2. Enjoyed the combination of the previous Michael Ironside and Sharon Stone characters into one really good bad girl played by Kate.
3. Cute nods to the original (3 boobed woman, hologram-head woman going through security)
4. The Gravity Switch!  Reminds me of the Vomit Comet flight which is on my bucket list of things to do before I die.

Cons of the remake:

1. Movie starts with "Original Films" production company frames which instantly made me chuckle and ask the question "Seriously?".
2. Visuals, special effects, and chase scenes completely ripped off from previous classics like Blade Runner, original Total Recall, Minority Report and others.  
3. Where was Mars?  
4. I think Philip Dick would probably take issue with several of the changes made to his really good short story.
5. Arnold Schwarzenegger is so much better as Quaid/Hauser than Colin Farrell, there is no comparison.  Arnold, as the consummate action hero, integrated tongue in cheek humor and kitschy one liners that kept me amused and thoroughly entertained through the whole film.  Colin, on the other hand, just looks stunned, took himself way to seriously and really didn't convince me he felt strongly about anything going on.  It was almost like watching...as much as this might offend some people who really like Colin... Keanu Reeves.
6. As a fan of Bill Nighy, I was excited to see he had a role in this but there was all this build up to his character and when he actually took the screen, it was very anti-climactic and only lasted about 5 minutes, if that.
7. While Kate & Jessica looked great and basically carried the film, their very short fight scenes were weak.

So based on the standard movie review questions:

1. Would we pay full price to see this movie in the theater? No.  Thank goodness we didn't.
2. Would we buy the DVD?  Full price or Discount Bin? Nope.  Not going to buy.

Cascadia Wolves

Another day, another werewolf series. While the Cascadia wolf series by Lauren Dane was good for sex scenes and I love some of the strong, witty, spunky female characters (Nina and Grace); I can't help but wish for something more. My finger is want for identifying exactly what that "something" could possibly be but maybe it is the irritation I felt for the too perfect Warden family. It could be as simple as it being too "easy" for them to find their mate and for good to conquer evil in these books.

While I love that this breed of creature walks into the room and scents their mate immediately and rushes head first into hot and steamy sex, it also bugs me that they have so little control over their libidos when they finally find the "one". In fact, they are even encouraged to rush down the hall to seal the bond before they even really know each other's name. As much as I love passionate, steamy sex, it took a credit report and a blood test before I said yes to my hubby. No way can I get on board with "You. Me. Bedroom. Now." within 5 minutes of meeting someone...Fate, Destiny, DNA, Chemistry, or not.

Maybe it is that they only start to reveal that they could have avoided the whole war thing before it all started if they would have not made some sweeping generalizations about the whole evil Pellini family in the first place. Doesn't everyone love to be judged by the actions of their families. My brother is evil, therefore I must be as well.

Don't get me wrong. Warren Pellini, the bad guy in this series, is by far a malicious and truly evil bastard. His parents are ranked right up there with him for their actions and the treatment of the rest of the wolf community. But the fact that being a werewolf is a virus that can be manipulated by anyone bugs me. The scientific part of my brain acknowledges the logic of the conclusion but the romantic anthropologist in me doesn't want to think about germs when they are in the heat of the moment and that all it could take is a scratch to get furry.

As a final side note, I do appreciate that this mythology allowed for multiple mates and that mates are fallible even with the connection but not sure what the anchor bond brought to the mythology other than the ability to fulfill threesome fantasies. BUT...I do enjoy fantasies so who am I to judge.

Funky Fairy Tales

There is an adorable and barely PG-rated Funky Fairy Tale running around called “The Princess and The Penis” by RJ Silver. You read correctly. Now you know me. Anything with a title this catchy, I must read.

*SPOILERS*- Basic storyline is this princess that everyone is trying to keep a virgin until her wedding day keeps waking up with a lump in her bed. The more she starts to describe this lump to everyone, the less they tell her about what it is because they think keeping her in the dark about the birds & the bees is the way to go. Of course, the lump is shaped like…you guessed it…a penis.

Eventually, they have to tell her what is going on. She, being the smart cookie that she is, has already reasoned that in every other fairy tale you have to kiss the offending item so that the curse is broken so…. See where I am going with this. Kiss the frog, get the prince. Kiss the princess, she wakes up. That is right folks. Gotta kiss something here. Guess what it is.

Handsome prince appears post kiss and the reason he was poking princess in the first place is because prince she was supposed to marry is actually a bad guy and he could not bear to have her marry the bad guy because he is in love with her. Princess picks handsome, large-membered, curse-broken (remember that kiss?) prince and they live happily ever after.

Cute, mindless fun reading with a bit of a warped way of getting to the moral but I was thoroughly amused.

Grateful for Loopholes

Book: Her Sudden Groom
Author: Rosie Gordon

If ever there was a time to be grateful for loopholes...  From birth, Alex Bank's father, Lord Watson, and his close friend, Lord Sinclair, have had an agreement that their children should marry.  What they didn't know when they made the arrangement is that Lord Sinclair's daughter, Lady Olivia, would turn out to be a revolting human being.

At first I felt sorry for poor Lady Olivia because it seems for the first few chapters that she is just an insecure, unattractive, spoiled person.  However, as the book continues, Lady Olivia gets no more sympathy because she is just, quite simply, a bitch.  Her appearance and character flaws are made even more evident when compared to her beautiful, gentle, and wonderful cousin, Caroline Sinclair.

So the loophole to the agreement is that Alex Bank's can be released from the agreement to marry Lady Olivia if he finds someone else to marry before his 30th birthday which is in 1 month.   Alex doesn't have another lady love lined up for a multitude of reasons but the most prominent are the fact that he is a scientist more interested in experiments than in human interaction.

With luck, Caroline "Caro" Sinclair is also a closet scientist.  So they spend some time together, fall for each other and get married.  The story could have ended here and I would have been happy.  No fuss, no muss, no big huge drama.

But nooooo.  Then we get into some strife between the newly weds when Alex's father dies and he is now Lord Watson, Caro's rapist father shows up and reveals family secrets, and some misunderstandings over half heard conversations get in the way.  These additions were interesting and did add to the story a bit and I did love seeing Caro finally stand up for herself and demand better treatment. However, they were not necessary- interesting but not necessary.

Overall, this was a cute easy read with vividly described characters I could relate to and a story that was sweet and interesting.

Were-Puma's....who knew.

Dana Marie Bell wrote a pretty good series (The Halle Shifter Series) and was my first introduction to any other shifter than a wolf. I have to admit, while I was surprised, it was very easy for me to accept the mythology presented. A sucker for the underdog-from-high-school-made-good story, I really liked that this series showed women who appear to have been weak actually ending up being much stronger than even the men in their lives. They overcome some serious adversity to become powerful leaders in their community.

Along with the ability to have cross-breed mates (puma and wolf) and homosexual mates, it makes me believe that the bloodline mixes might make for some interesting babies and definitely all too human-like scenarios all while maintaining the solidarity of the "one true mate" mythology.

The way I read books is sort of like reading a movie into my brain. I visualize. The descriptions in books need to allow me to visualize or I feel disconnected. So, the scenes are well written and the sex scenes were just...hot. My mind was all a whir with some delicious little films.

But foremost in my mind is the response Emma gave to her mate, Max, in the first book "The Wallflower" when he "kidnapped her with food" and she found out he was not only her mate but a shifter.
"I've never understood the woe-is-me thing. I mean, the hottest guy in town just told me he wants me bad enough to bite me and make me like him, and now he wants to drag me home and ravish me. I'm going to, what, run screaming into the night? Oh, no! I'm a Puma now! My life is over! Sob! I mean don't get me wrong, it still freaking me out a bit, and it's probably going to cost me a fortune in bikini waxing, but it's not the end of my world." 
I would like to think this is how I would react under similar circumstances. And the fact that they ask if they will need to use a litter box, if they are going to have kittens instead of babies, and they call each other Lion-O and Garfield....I can relate to these people.

Don't watch "The Watch"

Movie: The Watch
Starring: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and Richard Ayoade

Where to start?  Hmmmm.  Let's go with my rating based on our standard questions

1. Would we pay full price to see this movie in the theater? 
• Sadly, we did pay full price to see this in the theater and are really ticked off that we did.  Soooo not worth it.  I wouldn't recommend seeing this in the theater at all.  Potentially, not seeing it at all would be a good choice.  BUT, we had to kill time and Expendables II was not out yet and we had either a) seen all the other movies in the theater we wanted to see or b) they were not showing during the time frame we had open.
2. Would we buy the DVD?  Full price or Discount Bin?
• Not just no but h-e-double-hockey-sticks no.  Will not be purchasing ever.  

Now, let me tell you why.

- I am not a big Ben Stiller fan but thought the script and the rest of the cast ensemble might be able to pull this off.  I was wrong.

- The only thing worth seeing in this was Vince Vaughn.  As good as he was, he just couldn't carry this whole movie by himself.

- Jonah Hill was just plain creepy and not "he was acting the character creepy" but "I think his weight loss might have turned him stalker crazy".

I am not going to waste any more of my time on this because it was just that bad.  If you have seen the trailer, you have seen most of the good parts of this film.  If it comes on TV for free, I will be changing the channel.

I want my Ted-dy bear

Haaaaaaaahaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaa.   Wait, I can't stop laughing.  Haaaaaaahaaaaaaahaaaaaa.

OMG this is a great movie.  I like some of Seth MacFarlane's early work in Family Guy, American Dad, and such but he has become so obvious in his political stance and really unbalanced in his presentation of people he disagrees with that I had almost written him off.  Ted is a bit of his redemption.

Irreverent, dirty, and just downright gross in some places, I loved every stinkin' minute of this movie.  Top it off with the continual Flash Gordon references and the amazing appearance of Sam Jones, I almost pee'd my pants.

My hubby and I rate movies by asking the following questions:

1. Would we pay full price to see this movie in the theater?
2. Would we buy the DVD?  Full price or Discount Bin?

So based on this criteria- I would pay full price to see this movie in the theater more than once and I plan on buying for full price- maybe even BlueRay with digital copy and DVD included.

Nana nana nana nana- Dark Knight Rises

So let me tell you up front, I am not a Christian Bale fan.  Add to that the fact that I am biased to the Tim Burton Batman movie where Jack Nicholson played the best Joker ever.  And I have not been willing to see the other 2 Dark Knight Batman movies in the theater.  This was a movie I went to see because I love my hubby and he was practically drooling every time the topic came up.


This was a good movie.  Surprisingly, I really like it.  I did not expect to enjoy it as much as I did and I think it is for a these reasons:  

1. Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Liam Neeson- need I say more. 
2. There was only one time in the script where I questioned the reasonable logic of a normal person.  The rest of the script was good.  It was predictable but not in a bad way.  Everything was subtle enough to make it easy to just be entertained. 
3. While I was questioning Anne Hathaway as Catwoman, she was really good and looked hot..hot..hot with a very nice couple of bum shots on the Batcycle.
4. Tom Hardy was a really good Bane with a voice cross between Liam Neeson and Sean Connery.  The script for Bane was incredibly well written. It was ear candy through the whole movie.
5. Seeing Matthew Modine play a wus was interesting.  He played a shockingly good jerk.
6. Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  Who knew this cutie could play such a great Blake/Robin.  He was amazing and we almost saw more of him than Batman.  Since that was Christian Bale, worked for me.
7. Christian Bale only had a few scenes where you could see him or he opened his mouth.   For the rest, he was covered up and disguised as Batman so I was able to block out that it was him.  Helped a lot.  I kept seeing Val Kilmer in my mind.  Yum.

So, Yes, as much as I hate to put money in Christian Bale's pocket and encourage people to continue to cast him in things, I have to recommend this movie for all the other factors that are not him.  It was worth paying full price in the theater to see this epic film.

Gotta love a Chase

Author: Lauren Dane  Series: The Chase Brothers

First off, let me just ask.  $5 pitcher of beer on a Friday night and there is change to be had by the server. Where is this bar and why am I not there?

The 4 books in this series are easy to read.  I love family and how important it is to all the characters.  The fact that it is a focal point makes me really happy.  And I am glad the Chase boys are able to transfer from serial daters to monogomous so easily. 

Tate in the 4th book was my favorite leading lady in the series because being short and curvy and looking in the mirror and acknowledging that she is lovely but not gorgeous is something I can relate to but as my hubby so lovingly points out to me...one person's Rosie O'Donnell is another person's Audrey Hepburn.  He thinks I am beautiful.  I think he is mistaken but who am I to argue or burst his bubble. 

But, I have to give it up to Polly Chase, the family matriarch.  That woman marches to the beat of her own drum and demands people step in line.  Apparently that kind of hutspa comes with age and I am not quite there yet.  That and I just have no desire to spend the time and investment in to the hairspray it takes to keep her helmet hair.

Valkyries Rock!

After reading Kresley Cole's "Immortals After Dark" series, I have decided that I want to be a Valkyrie when I grow up.  I will take being a Mercenary Witch as my second choice.

Who wouldn't want to be an immortal, smokin' hot, super-strong, slightly crazy bad ass with a wicked cool t-shirt collection who can take on the strongest creatures with witty repartee and some serious kung fu.  Add in the ability to see my friends future path and be able to get them there like Nix, as well as having any of the lore be a potential mate (vampire, werewolf, demon, vemon/dempire, etc)...SOLD!

So Nix is a little forgetful and well..way off on the crazy train.  Who isn't?
So you have to die a violent death in glorious battle and be struck by lightening to become the daughter of the gods.  Death for a moment in time in exchange for pointy ears, rippin' claws, wee fangs, and a hell of a shriek...and a couple of new parents...ok.
So any strong emotions you have manifest as storms.  At least he knows when your faking it and can adjust his technique accordingly.
I can deal with all of that. Where do I sign up.

Movie & TV Critic Extrodinaire

So I have decided to add a periodic movie & TV review to my repitoire.  Mainly because I just recently saw some things that I feel should be discussed and Facebook just won't do it justice.  Hope you enjoy.

Stress, Stress, and more Stress.

The universe thrives on chaos.  Whenever you finally think you have things under control, the powers that be think..."We cant have someone with it all together.  Let's give this one something that really builds character.  If they survive that, let's see how much they can take before they break."  Well I have had enough, f u very much.  I think the universe needs to back the hell off and find some other person to harass for a while.  I have not done anything so bad that karma should feel the need to continually kick my butt this hard.  And that karmic or universal bitch needs to leave my family and friends alone, too.  I am about to put on my ass kicking boots and start taking names.

Ode to my Kindle Fire

While I fought the conversion from my dearly beloved first generation Kindle, Mindy, I have succom to the lure of pretty pictures and new fangled gadgetry.  That is right, the touchscreen world has claimed its next victim.  I was sure this technology was not for me but can I just say Jeepers do I love this Fire thing.  So much so that she is retaining the name Mindy.  I am telling myself she just had some plastic surgery...heeeheee.  Maybe even an extreme makeover.

eBooks for the Eyes & Ears- My Library Betrayal

With the move to eBooks and the cheap, fast repository at my fingertips...well, I am ashamed to admit that I have betrayed my library. I am not a good friend to my library any more. In fact, my betrayal goes even deeper. I have had a Kindle (her name is Mindy) for a couple of years now and she has become my constant companion. This relationship has developed much to the detriment and dust collection of physical books. To make matters worse, I haven't been to a physical library in almost a year. I feel your judgmental eyes searing the glare into my mind. Shame on me.

Our local library does have online digital ebook and audio book check out, download, listen capability. I have checked out a few ebooks but didn't get through them because the selection of what was there was not up to my Kindle library standards. Let's face it, you just cannot get good smut from the library and the rest of the good reads are already checked out so you get put on a waiting list. I hear you...a waiting list for digital media? Yes. I have been queued for one book for over 3 months.

Believe me...as much as I love free stuff, I am appalled. Another "nail in the coffin" is my recent joining of Audible.com. That is right. Some times, I just cannot read as much as I want because I have a day job so I must resort to hearing people read to me. So many books, so little time.

And what to your wondering ears is the point? Support your local library. Be concerned about their fate. Even if you don't visit or check out anything, give your used books, write them a check, whatever you can. I am going to go visit my local libraries with donations in hand and have set up a monthly reminder in my calendar to make sure I don't forget about them.